After a break-up, do we really continue to love?
Should we love someone who dumped us, someone who continued his life without our presence? Should we love someone who erased our number from his cell phone, the same way he erased our memories from his heart? Should we love someone who fills his days with other partners and tries (whether conscious or not) to hurt us with the comments, the smiles, the pictures, the relations and everything he does without us being by his side?
Do we love the person or we love the shared memory? Do we love who he is or he was? Do we love the pain or we love the fact that he/she was our soul mate? Do we love him/her being away or that we used to be close? Do we love he doesn’t respond to our calls or the fact that he was dancing with us on the beach months ago? Do we love that he talks to all but us or that he used o neglect others for our sake in the past? Do we love being accustomed to repetitive actions of dumping us or we love the feeling of telling others we are hurt by an enormous love that invaded us? Do we love spending the days thinking of a person who is either miles away, or just next to us but yet too far in soul, or it is just a huge lie we keep telling ourselves to remain at ease?
Do we really love that someone, or we love lying on him, on ourselves, and on others saying that we can’t live without him, though we eat, drink, dance, work, enjoy, and sleep (in spite of his memories that arise from under any pillow) without his presence?
There is a thin line between loving others and being obsessed in possessing the other person, and most of us do it when the x-partner turns his back on us.
We do it to show we cared, we loved, we worshiped, we adored. IT is to cover up all the mistakes we made, and hence committing other mistakes.
We come close to their belongings, their gifts, their old writings, their friends thinking we are fixing problems, while we only pile more errors.
We enjoy thinking w are heartbroken though all is needed is a little courage to take a step forward and eliminate the sources of pain. Yet, we never do. We keep reading the past, examining the history, neglecting the future.
We keep walking in the same pace, and in the same path we drew when we were with that person, opening our hands and holding an imaginary hand that used to be his.
We start loving empty places because it reminds us of the emptiness of our souls.
We begin to cherish fountains, music, sunsets on beaches, salsa and flamingo, love songs, sad songs, children, moonlight, poetry, chocolate flavor, romantic art… All the things we should have shared while he was around but we missed it because we were busy doing some other stuff.
We begin to hate all the possible contesters who we are afraid they will fill our place in the heart of that person.
We initiate a sequence of hopes in our minds, thinking he will get back, that he too is in pain, that he will know our value, that he will feel emptiness without us, and we support our superstitions by evidences of old love stories, of writers’ fragments of speech pr composed articles. And we shut the doors in faces of who really love us. We neglect the fact that to be healed of a love phase, we need another love to come.
Sometimes, we run away by getting dedicated to our jobs, our families and friends, our studies, our hopes and dreams, but we are only fleeing from the inevitable, that we lost someone we loved.
Sometimes, we embrace ourselves with endless activities, with several people, with various one night stands, with one to two weeks’ relations, with one to three months’ dating processes, with one to four years eating, sports habits, and then suddenly one night we remember that we moved on but not quite as we wished to do.
Sometimes, we dedicate ourselves for loving that person and waiting for he/she who will never return. We write him endless letters that we are afraid of sending, and we bare the candle lights, and the chilling breezes of cold air sitting on a balcony looking into afar. Until one day, we discover we have missed to see our siblings grow mature/old, and that nature still changes seasons from autumn to winter to spring to summer. To notice that trees go old, flowers die and reincarnate, battles rise and end, nations form and some species become extinct, but it is awfully too late.
Sometimes, we settle ourselves in jobs we semi like, with friends we semi enjoy, and partners we semi love, and then discover we semi lived.
Sometimes we do all of the above. And sometimes we do nothing and move on.
We discover in the end that we didn’t love any person as much as we loved ourselves. We discover that we paid a price, sometimes for something we did (by making another person who loved us live such a case) and sometimes we didn’t commit (by him/her making us victims because they were a victim of such a relation).
We only have the bless of forgetting and gaining experience.
But in so many times, even when we think we healed ourselves and found the cure, we tend to fool ourselves thinking we forgot and thus we remain in pain.
Sometimes/Many times we are fool for we thought of the endless cycle of love.
A quote says: “Smart people learn from their mistakes, geniuses are those who learn from others’ mistakes.” In love, no such proverbs apply.
EXPERIENCE. Get hurt and enjoy!